Mask Off
I bet you thought this would be about the debate to continue to mask or not due to Covid-19. No, this is about a different set of masks we each wear, the masks of identity. On social media this week, especially the blue bird app, there was A LOT of contention about a dress, who was wearing it, and the assertion by the initial poster that she shouldn’t have because she’s a mother now.
*Note that I’m omitting the names because Google is a thing AND I don’t necessarily want to fan the flames by adding the keywords here. I trust you can look it up for yourself and get the minutiae.*
When the fingers started flying, both sides of the argument got heated and it went viral. One side was with the OP stating that a new mother should not dress in revealing, sexy or bodycon dresses. The other stated, “So what if she’s a mother? She should feel grounded and comfortable in her skin and her body to wear a paper sack outside if she wants to!” While the conversation as a whole was more nuanced than this simple synopsis, and has other mitigating factors, the key here is the identity that’s attached to it. Mother.
As a society, we applaud and embrace identity labels, like gender and job titles. Labels, and the roles attached to them, safely let us categorize people, our experiences, and behaviors. They allow us to clearly define what is and isn’t, as well as who should and shouldn’t. They are masks that we seamlessly switch between.
That is until someone or something comes along and challenges that notion and all of proverbial hell breaks loose. One of the main problems with such rigid definitions of these masks/personas is that many times, people erroneously let their masks, their labels, and roles, literally define who they are. When the mask is removed, when they are separated from that identity, at their core, they have no idea who they are looking at in the mirror.
This triggers an identity crisis of sorts, as they flounder to figure out who they are outside of this identity that they’ve let become their whole personality. Let’s use the mother example from above: if we go by the intentions and definition of the OP and those who agreed with him, once a person has a child they should no longer wear any revealing or sexy clothing. The assumption is they should no longer feel the need, nor desire, to wear anything that might attract anyone else.
There are plenty of things wrong with this narrative: toxic masculinity, projecting insecurities, controlling and gaslighting behavior, and antiquated gender roles, amongst other things. This assertion also doesn’t consider that people can and should dress for themselves and not for external validation.
Below is an exercise that can help you explore the roles and identities that define you and how they may impact your mental health. I encourage you to list the different masks you wear and assess how they factor into your everyday life.
Coach T
